A Horde of Elephants
by Uskius
Summary: The sequel to 24. Upon returning, suspicions are cast upon Naruto and Temari, and their loyalty is tested in ways they could have never seen coming. Full title inside.


****Author's Note**** Well, with a summary like that what kind of story were you thinking this would be? Here's the sequel no one was expecting or demanding. This will most likely be bad and/or not what you were expecting; what is there left to write after The Most Legendary Naruto/Temari Fic Of All Time? Implied lemon flavor, and overall decidedly citrus. So, I present to you what I'm sure will become The Most Legendary Sequel To A Naruto/Temari Fic Of All Time. For added fun, you are now hearing this in the voice of manwithoutabody, and if you don't know him then Gilbert Gottfried.

**NARUTO: A MAGNIFICENT HORDE OF BRIGHTLY SHINING ELEPHANTS GRANDLY ANNOUNCE THEIR MAJESTIC PRESENCE**

Naruto farted. Temari looked sideways at her partner for the mission, and began to breathe through her mouth. "You could at least say excuse me, Naruto."

"What?" Naruto replied, fidgeting as if he'd been caught leaving Shizune's house after going on a panty raid. "That totally wasn't me, believe it! If I farted it would be a like a ninja worthy of becoming Hokage: silent and deadly! Not like that lou- um... uh..." Beginning to wither under Temari's glare, Naruto looked around for an escape route before finding the perfect one right beside him. "Oh look! We're already at Granny Tsunade's office!" Without further ado, Naruto all but kicked down the door and rushed in. "We're here!"

At the desk, Tsunade was seated and Shizune stood to her left pointing at a certain paragraph on the paper when they looked up. "Oh! Naruto, Temari!" Exclaimed Tsunade. "I was beginning to worry; you've arrived much later than I anticipated." Shizune nodded her concurrence, glad to see the vital mission had now been completed. Gulping and casting a glance towards Temari, Naruto produced the scroll containing the information on Kabuto's army and strode forwards to place it in front of Tsunade on her desk.

Unsealing it, the Hokage stretched out the scroll and carefully scrutinized it before her mouth fell open in a manner that Naruto at the moment did not associate with sudden cognizance. "This, this...! Shizune, take a look!" Her assistant leaned over and scanned the section pointed out to her before reacting similarly, and gasping in a way that Naruto at that moment did not think of as surprise at things suddenly falling into place.

"That makes perfect sense! See here, with the Zetsu clones...?" Shizune's finger gracefully arched as it pointed back to the information she had been previously explaining; its elegance inexplicably reminisced Temari of a similarly shaped appendage that she was now familiar with. "My word, this changes everything!"

"So is it good news, or bad news?" Naruto asked, leaning over the desk to try to glimpse the mysteriously exciting information.

Shizune straightened, nearly knocking into Naruto on the way up. "It's very, very good news," Shizune smiled. _Ah! I could almost reach over there and hug him to pieces!_

"With this information, I would estimate our chances of defeating Kabuto are at least one hundred percent," Tsunade elaborated. "For certain now, his forces will no longer pose a threat; and furthermore the data could be extrapolated into greater defense against the Impure World Resurrection technique." Seeing the confused look on the countenance of the Kyuubi's jinchuriki, she simplified, "We're going to win the war."

"Alright!" Naruto shouted, pumping his fist into... the air. "I know how I'm going to celebrate," He said to Temari, who was clearly not thinking the same thing, as she began to blush slightly. Tsunade noticed this out of the corner the center of her eye, and then the silence snowballed as Naruto picked up on Temari's blush and his Hokage's level gaze. Shizune caught on, and opened her mouth to say something but couldn't quite find the right words.

After what seemed like an eternity but was really only a few relatively short seconds, Tsunade cleared her throat. "...I'll let Teuchi and Ayame know that you're coming right now. That should give them the time to prepare enough ramen..." In a moment, she had pulled a phone from her desk drawer, and dialed a number.

Shaking her thoughts clear, Shizune added, "Yes; you've earned this, both of you. You should take the rest of the day off to enjoy each other." _Gah! I meant-_

"And as an extra reward, I'll foot the bill for your feast." Tsunade quickly said, covering for her assistant.

"R-really, Granny Tsunade?" _I can't believe this!_

"Really really." She smiled, and finally her call got through. "Yes, I just wanted to let you know ahead of time Naruto Uzumaki will be dropping by..."

"So," Shizune began, to fill the void while the Hokage was on the phone. "What was the delay on your way here? You two don't seem injured as if you were ambushed, or anything like that."

"W-well, ghuh... uuhhhhh..." Naruto's vision flashed red, and he felt something trickle from his nose.

"We were intercepted by a squad of Zetsu clones," Temari picked up, still fighting down her blushing. _How does this conversation keep going back to that? Ugh. _"What was that technique you used to fight them off again, Naruto?" Temari asked, in that way people ask questions when there is obviously something they're trying to hide, simultaneously elbowing Naruto to attention.

"Oh," Naruto swiftly wiped off his upper lip. "It's this new variation I'm working on, called The Three-Tailed Beast-" Temari elbowed him again, harder this time. "-Gah!- I mean, it's a variation of the Rasengan where I form two or three Rasengan circling around a larger one, and on contact they form this ginormous cone explosion thing, it's really awesome! The perfect jutsu for a future Hokage!"

"It really is something to see," Temari added, more seriously. At that point in time, Tsunade finished her call to Ichiraku Ramen and spoke up.

"They're getting started, Naruto. Teuchi said you'll 'have a meal fit for a Kage', and is glad you're back in town." Tsunade smirked. "Now scram, I can tell you're hungry."

"Ah yeah, Ichiraku Ramen here I come!" Pausing for a moment, he offered, "You can come too, Temari."

_Ramen is better than nothing, I guess._ "I might as well."

Tsunade nodded curtly. "Okay then. You're dismissed."

**KNOW WHEN TO HOLD 'EM**

No sooner than Naruto and Temari had left the office, Shizune said, "Something's obviously... happened between the two."

"Definitely, but things just aren't adding up. On the one hand that Suna kunoichi- ah, what's her name?- Temari is attractive and Naruto is very friendly, but on the other hand... he's still Naruto Uzumaki."

"And multiple Rasengan? I thought it took the Fourth years to develope that technique..."

"...And yet, Naruto learned it in three days... If anyone else but him claimed that, they would be lying through their teeth. It's a bit of a stretch but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on that." Resting her chin in her palm like an fruit in a bowl, Tsunade frowned as she thought. "What do you suppose it could have been?"

"Well, first there was that mention of 'celebrating'. What do heroes usually do with their significant others when they come home the victor?" Tsunade massaged her... temples and mumbled something that sounded incredibly like "Did not need that mental image..." "And then there's the time they took getting here," Shizune continued, now growing certain of what had happened. "Either they fought an absurd amount of Zetsu clones, or... something else took up their time."

"But a full _day and a half_ behind their projected arrival? The only thing's Naruto's been... interested in for longer than that are becoming Hokage and saving Sasuke and eating ramen... and, no. They- they couldn't. Just _no_... but there's more. What if-" Tsunade shuddered- "He's gotten her pregnant?"

"In the middle of the war? Oh, oh no... I don't think Suna would take that too well..."

Tsunade heaved a sigh. "Naruto Uzumaki," She said bitterly, before falling silent. "Shizune, I'm getting too old to be dealing with a teenager's problems like this... would you get to the bottom of this for me?"

"...I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No."

"Fine." Expecting to have to carefully formulate a plan, Shizune was surprised when the answer came to her after only a few moments. "That's it! He's a 'hero' right? What else do heroes do when coming home in triumph? Celebrate! I'll- that is, officially, _you _will invite him here to your office for a private party, along with Temari and another person; and I'll gradually pick up the details as the night goes on from their body language and conversation. There."

Tsunade nodded. "And who made the breakthrough on the Zetsu clones with you?"

"That would be Sakura Haruno, Lady Tsunade."

"Invite her as the third person, I think she deserves a break from her recent efforts."

"I will do so."

"Good. Hopefully this won't end up destroying the Alliance..."

Later that day, after precisely eight hours, fifty-three minutes, fifty-eight seconds, seventeen milliseconds, and one hundred eight nanoseconds had passed Naruto knocked on the door to the Hokage's office. It opened, revealing the formal room had been transformed completely: there were red and salmon colored streamers hanging from the ceiling, and bean bag chairs of the same colors, randomly strewn about the room; adding to the ambiance were a few paper lanterns giving off a soft, rosy glow, like the cheeks of a newborn baby. Tsunade's desk was converted into a bar, on which were a few bowls of snack foods and a few drinks Naruto was sure had no place at a party involving minors. In the middle of the room was a low wooden coffee table, and facing it against the wall of the room was a bench with a red cushion. From behind, Naruto was ever-so-lightly startled when he heard Shizune say, "Welcome! Good evening, Naruto."

"Ah, hey Shizune! Uh, I didn't get the time wrong or anything, did I?"

The jonin glanced out at the empty room, and smiled reassuringly. "No, you're only a few minutes early; Lady Tsunade and Sakura were just here, but I believe they went out to have a short discussion. They should be back soon. Temari hasn't arrived yet."

_Hmm? Sakura-chan and Temari were invited too? Aw man, I'm gonna have to watch myself..._

"In the meantime, have yourself a quick bowl of ramen." Shizune smiled again, and patted Naruto on the back before she guided him around the coffee table and to the makeshift bar. Waiting there was a steaming bowl of ramen impaled with a pair of chopsticks. Shizune offered it to Naruto, who gladly accepted. He closed his eyes and inhaled the savory aroma, and a grin spread across his face like jam on a muffin.

"Miso ramen," He said dreamily. He looked up to Shizune and she was chuckling, her face flush with good health- or maybe that was only the glow of the paper lanterns. _Gah, what's wrong with me? She can look pretty- I mean happy- if she wants to._ "Itadakimasu!" Naruto snapped open his chopsticks, and took a quick bite on his way to the coffee table, around which were a few cushions. Naruto seated himself at one long curve of the ovaloid table, and Shizune sat down across from him.

"So, Naruto, how's life?" _No wonder I'm still single, with lines like that._

"Well, I guess right now it's pretty good! I have a bowl of ramen, and the Hokage's invited me and my g- teammate to a nice party, after I carry out a mission that could help end a war! Yep, it's pretty great to be Naruto Uzumaki right now!"

Mentally checking a note, Shizune took a sip from her cup of sake. "It must be! You know, I even think you're the only guy Lady Tsunade invited! I would've loved to have a chance like that when I was your age. Ah, but time flies..."

Naruto nodded, mouth full of ramen. _I guess it's weird 'cause I've never really talked to her outside of the hospital, even though I see her just about every time I see Granny Tsunade. She's actually kinda cool._ "...And so does the ramen," Naruto added, looking down into his empty bowl.

"Here," Shizune offered, leaning over the hand-carved mahogany coffee table. As Naruto handed her the bowl his peripheral vision could not but pick up the fact Shizune was not wearing her mesh armor under her kimono tonight- and perhaps nothing at all under it. He coughed and occupied himself with taking in the glow of the paper lanterns. "What would you like to drink, Naruto?"

"Uh, water I guess," Naruto answered, nervously schuckling and scratching the back of his neck.

"Ahh, just water? Try some of this first..." Shizune reappeared at his shoulder and handed him a cup, just as the office door swung open. In came Temari, wearing her short-sleeved black kimono with a slit to her mid-thigh, tied with a red sash. Surprisingly her hair was down from its usual four pigtails, finely combed and softly falling on her shoulders. She heard something behind her, and stayed to hold the door open for a moment: also coming in were Tsunade and Sakura, Tsunade wearing her usual outfit while Sakura was wearing a red dress much the same as the one she wore as a genin, but instead with gold trim that shimmered like the wings of a dragonfly. Tsunade shared a smug look with Shizune, who subtly nodded to her as she urged Temari and Sakura towards the snacks and drinks. Their cups suitably filled, an assortment of pretzels and chips was indiscriminately tossed onto their plates, and Tsunade cleared her throat.

"In a way, the few of us here are celebrating the larger victory the Allied Forces are sure to soon achieve. Here with us we have a distinguished kunoichi of Suna," Temari simply nodded her appreciation. "And as the Allied Forces have brought the Five Great Nations closer together I hope this small party can help to re-inforce the already great friendship between Suna and Konoha." Temari blinked once, her face flickering into a vaguely panicked expression before reverting to normal a split-second later. "Here's to victory!"

"To victory!" Naruto took a healthy swig of his drink, finding it to be some sort of strong wine. While it did have rich fruit notes in it, Naruto was simply not used to alcoholic beverages, and his eyes fluttered briefly as the wine burned down his throat.

"How is it?" Asked Shizune, situating herself next to Naruto.

"Strong," He replied, as Sakura sat on the cushion at his other side.

"Just take a few sips here and there," Shizune advised, slapping Naruto on the back and rubbing him between his shoulder blades. "Don't drink big gulps, just sip it slowly so you'll be able to recognize all the flavors. Remember, slower is better." Glancing at Tsunade, she added, "Trust me. I'm a medic-nin."

Naruto nodded and took a cautious sip, and Sakura giggled. "What, what's so funny?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you would be like Lee..."

"Wha- I'm no lightweight like him! Bushy Brows takes one sip and he goes loopy! Look," Naruto took another healthy mouthful of wine, and swallowed. "See? Perfectly fine."

"Lighten up, I was just teasing." Sakura said with an playful smile, popping a pretzel into her mouth. Temari joined them then, sitting across from the three.

_The Hokage's assistant is sitting awfully close... is she into that, maybe? Or she could have been pre-gaming, who knows._ "Back in Suna, we haven't let Kankuro near anything alcoholic for years."

"Hmm? How come?" Asked Sakura, curious.

"Well, when a puppet master gets a little tipsy..."

Tsunade sat back behind the makeshift bar, sipping from her personal flask and enjoying just how horribly wrong drunken puppet ninjutsu could go. _Still a proper kunoichi,_ Tsunade thought of Shizune, as she saw the glances Temari thought she was casting at the distance between Naruto and Shizune went unnoticed._ I picked a good one, Dan..._ Sensing the tale was nearing its end, the Hokage opened a drawer in her desk and withdrew a clipboard and a pencil, then stood and stepped over to join them at the intricately hand-carved mahogany coffee table.

"-And that's when we found the blow-up doll deflated under his mattress," Temari finished. Sakura chortled, and Naruto was laughing so hard he would have fallen over backwards, had Shizune not caught him. She quickly chuckled and took a sip of her sake as if nothing had happened, and Tsunade cut in.

"I thought we might try a little game, known in some places as 'The Exquisite Corpse'-"

Shizune immediately shook her head. "I think I've done enough writing today, thank you very much. I'll sit this one out." Shizune rose and made her way to the bench against the wall, sitting back and taking another sip of her sake.

"Fine. Now as I was about to explain, the rules are simple: each person will write one sentence, and pass the clipboard to their left, going on and on until the story ends or gets out of hand. Got it?" They all murmured their cognizance, but Naruto raised his hand. "Yes?

"...Can I sit this one out too? I mean yeah I can write, but that was just for class." _Not counting that manuscript I finished for Pervy-Sage._ "I don't think I'd be much good."

"Ah, but that's part of the fun. Are you sure?" The blond jinchuriki nodded. "Alright. I suppose I'll play then, since that would leave just the two of you." Settling down at the end of the exceedingly intricately hand-carved mahogany coffee table between Temari and Sakura, Tsunade handed the clipboard to the pink-haired girl. "You'll start us off."

_Agh, what's a good opening sentence?_ Try as she might, Sakura still kept coming up blank, until the sight of Shizune sitting next to Naruto gave her an idea. _Might as well go with that. "The young blond man sat next to the Hokage's assistant on the bench," _Sakura wrote.

She passed the clipboard to Tsunade, who smirked upon seeing her younger apprentice's sentence, and broke into a grin as she looked to the pair on the bench. _"The office was empty, but she wanted to start things off slow for him."_ Tsunade penned. Grinning even wider, she passed the clipboard to Temari...

"Maybe I should've stayed in the game after all," Lamented Naruto. "They look like they're actually having fun! I always thought writing was kinda boring..."

"Tell me about it," Shizune said. _And he's right. I don't think I've ever seen a group this into The Exquisite Corpse... _Seeing her Hokage laugh and lean over to confer with Sakura briefly in whispers, Shizune frowned. _If you ask me, they're getting WAY more out of this game than they should be... _Suddenly remembering she still had to play her role for a while longer, Shizune leaned back against the wall and slyly pulled open her kimono top a bit. Unfortunately, Sakura noticed this and pointed it out to Tsunade, who nodded with a wicked grin on her face. The Hokage's turn quickly passed, Tsunade's hand almost flying over the page as she wrote down a long sentence. Temari looked over her shoulder at Naruto, smirking before focusing on her sentence. Shizune saw the Suna kunoichi nod, and got the feeling she was smiling as the clipboard was passed to Sakura.

"Ha! Ha ha ha! Oh, oh Lady Tsunade read this..." Sakura shared Temari's sentence, and Tsunade held back her laugh with her hand, her shoulders shaking. She turned to Temari and raised an eyebrow.

"I just gave him a good size for the story! It's not like I've actually seen it up close!" Temari said defensively. It was at this point Shizune began to suspect what direction the game was headed in.

"Oh really?" Tsunade asked. "When you pointed out what veins-"

"SHH!" Sakura cast a meaningful look over at Shizune and Naruto. It was at this point Naruto began to suspect what the topic of the story was; or at least that particular sentence of Temari's.

"Uh, Shizune? Are you thinking what I'm thinking they're thinking, or is it just me?" Naruto whispered.

"Don't worry Naruto, in the end it's only a game." Shizune whispered back as she stroked the inside of Naruto's thigh, continuing until Sakura looked up from finishing her sentence.

Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head, as she pointed and shouted "_WHAT?_" Shizune quickly recovered and sipped her sake, while Naruto pinched his nose and scooted away from her a few inches. Tsunade and Temari whirled around, but saw nothing going on- though, Tsunade did wink to Shizune.

"They don't look like they're doing anything, Sakura." Tsunade pointed out.

"Don't look- l-l... she was...!"

"Nevermind," Tsunade cut in. "Let's hurry up and finish the game."

Temari's suspicious glare lingered on Shizune for a few more seconds before she turned back to the superfluously exceedingly intricately hand-carved mahogany coffee table. _That stare all but proves it_, Shizune noted. _Naruto I'm sorry but there's just a little bit more before I can go back to normal Shizune for the night..._

**KNOW WHEN TO FOLD 'EM**

The clipboard raced around the antique superfluously exceedingly intricately hand-carved mahogany coffee table, barely stopping for one kunoichi to finish her sentence of the story. It was Tsunade's turn again, but she paused for a moment before hastily jotting down her line. "Does that work?" She asked Temari, who gave a snort of laughter and nodded. "Alright. This game of The Exquisite Corpse is now six feet under," Tsunade declared. "Now... who wants to give reading it a shot first? I'll sweeten the deal and throw in a fistful of ryo if you read it out loud."

"I'll have a look at it," Shizune said in an utterly hopeless and melancholy tone of voice. She accepted the clipboard, noting there were several pages of writing on it.

"You know I still love you, right, Shizune?"

"Yes, Lady Tsunade."

"Good."

_Here we go..._ Shizune fixed her eyes on the first sentence. _"The young blond man sat next to the Hokage's assistant on the bench. The office was empty, but she wanted to start things off slow for him..." _Th-that's Lady Tsunade's handwriting! _"And things did start off slow, like the way a snowball rolls downhill." _Shizune quickly downed the rest of her sake, and rose to refill her cup. She poured a few gulp's worth into her it, then paused and left her cup on the bar and took the whole bottle of wine with her._ I know I chew her out for getting smashed, but there's no way I can read this sober..._

Naruto was growing increasingly anxious as Shizune read through the game, silent and completely focused on the story, only stopping to take deep drinks from the bottle of wine. And then, he saw her almost choke as she flipped the page to continue.

_"But Shizune, you're way older than I am! I could almost be your son! I dunno, this feels kinda weird..."_

_"It'll only feel as weird as you want it to," The kunoichi replied._

_"Weird... in what way?"_

_"Listen, I don't want this to be creepy for either of us, don't you understand I want to make both of us feel good!"_

_"But Shizune, why me?" This next line is in Lady Tsunade's handwriting..._

_"Dammit Naruto I'm drunk and horny and I don't give a fuck- just get inside me already!"_

_"Being who he was, Naruto couldn't help but comfort the lonely Hokage's assistant."_

_"His scrumptuous love banana-" _Shizune closed her eyes and took a drink before continuing._ "-xers fell off like a peel, baring the ripe fruit."_

Shizune stared blankly at the next sentence, which again was in Tsunade's writing. _"And Shizune had always loved bananas."_

Naruto glanced out of the window behind the impromptu bar that was Tsunade's desk, and saw the stars were out, and the moon was on its way up. Looking towards the girls, he overheard Sakura whisper, "Do you think she's to the part where you-" But Shizune answered for her, a strangled sound somewhere between a caterwaul and a whine escaping her lips as her jaw hung open.

"I think so," Temari answered. _Payback for what you were doing with Naruto earlier, Shizune._

_"-made her happy, though this banana was not in her ear."_

_"I feel like a Kage!" Naruto extolled._

_"The flood washed over Shizune, leaving her hot and-"_ Shizune took a deep drink here- _"-like a field blanketed in the earthly dew." _Shizune flipped onto the last page, and sighed with her eyes closed before opening them to read again. _"The wedding bells of bliss and release rang all across the land, and the dawn rose up, rupturing the hymen of midnight."_

_"Deep down Shizune knew she was just another writer, still trapped within her truths." _"It's true, it's true," Shizune muttered, now decidedly not sober and close to tears. And there the last line stood before her, written in Tsunade's hand: _"But one truth still trapped within her was the pen is mightier than the sword." _"I'm so glad you could share your feelings for me this way, Naruto."

"Well I, uh..."

"Shh, don't speak."Shizune countered, putting her finger on her lips as she half-fell half-walked to the beanbag chair he'd moved to while she read. She straddled him, and gave him a kiss that felt like being slapped with a wet rag cloth. "Now I must give my love to you." With that she pulled open her kimono top, revealing herself. Shizune was of moderate proportions, but was possessed of a form so miraculously impeccable and gently touched upon by gravity in that most beautiful way Naruto could've sworn he heard his late master Jiraiya shouting "YUSS!" from beyond the grave. Naruto was faintly surprised he didn't have a nosebleed- that is, until he noticed where his blood was rushing to instead.

"Ah, Shizune..." Naruto honestly meant to reached forwards and close her top, but Shizune took his hands and brought them up to her heaving bosom, causing Naruto to flinch, and twitch underneath her. Shizune sensed this and swayed her hips against Naruto's, noting his hands had stayed put despite her holding his waist now. "Hrrmmmn, Shizune, you're really nice and all but you'd probably regret this later if you keep going."

Shizune leaned in and placed a far more accurate kiss on Naruto's lips, as hungry and demanding as any Temari had ever given him. "Dammit Naruto I'm drunk and horny and I don't gife a fuck- literally, I'm still a virgin- just get inside me already!" Scooting back a few inches, Shizune wrapped an arm around Naruto's neck, and with the other fumbled- or perhaps not- with his fly for a moment, before unzipping it and reaching into his boxers-

"Dang it Shizune I had sex with Temari, I can't do this with you!" The silence after Naruto's sentence was total- Temari's eye twiched, Sakura's jaw moved up and down futilely as she stared- only punctuated by Shizune's heavy breathing and her attempts to remove Naruto's pants while still sitting on him. The drunken jonin smothered Naruto with a kiss so wide and deep it was as if she was trying to swallow his face. Her bumbling efforts with Naruto's pants were ceased when they had been pulled down far enough to free him, exposing him to the others still seated at the coffee table. Shizune moaned and grabbed Naruto, stroking him slowly for a moment before flinging her kimono open wide and ripping off her black lace panties. "Uh, a little help here!" The others had remained speechless and frozen in place, not actually believing what they were seeing. Tsunade assumed Shizune had gotten carried away with her mission of provoking Temari and would stop any minute, but now could see that wasn't the case. As she rose Temari was already on her way, her large battle fan inexplicably appearing in hand and swatting Shizune away.

"Get your filthy hands off my Naruto, you slut!"

"_Your _Naruto? You're aren't efen from Konoha!"

Unfortunately, no one in the room was one hundred percent sober, as evidenced by the cry of: "BUT I AM!" Sakura came charging forwards and tackled Temari away from Naruto.

"Well he's a jichu- chingu- a jintur- he's got the demon fox inside him, so that makes him the Hokage's property!" Tsunade picked up Sakura and tossed her down the room, with enough force to send her into the bar/desk hard enough to splinter it.

"While she's posing heroically!" Simultaneously Temari and Shizune sprung back up, colliding with Naruto and sending him into the back of Tsunade, all of them landing in a tangled heap. Naruto tried to steady himself with one hand, until he realized who and where he was pushing on. Tsunade gripped his hand and pulled it towards her face, causing his face to collapse down where his hand had been previously. She clutched him to her heart, but when she had to turn to fend off an attempt to snatch him from behind by Temari he was snatched from her arms by Sakura. The pink-haired girl tried to pause to throw a kunai at the window and escape through it, which was long enough for him to break free. Tsunade tried to incapacitate Sakura, but she was grabbed by Naruto as she lunged forwards, her gambling jacket being torn off. Temari only saw the legs in front of her and struck on instinct. _What was the move he used against Gaara?_ "Thousand Years of Death!"

Naruto went flying up into the ceiling, clutching his but-tocks and yowling in pain; he bumped his head against the ceiling, and began to fall back down- only to be caught by Shizune, who soon dropped him as she ducked an attack from Tsunade, which connected with Sakura. Temari had snuck up and took Sakura's place, readying an wind attack while chakra sparked from Tsunade as the Hokage performed a long string of hand seals. Shizune was merely watching him, then Naruto realized his fly was still open and quickly zipped it up, and began to form a Rasengan. He rushed in to deflect the attacks of Tsunade and Temari with his Rasengan, but Shizune grabbed at his ankle, causing Naruto to stumble off course and head straight for Tsunade. His Rasengan deflected Temari's cutting winds, but it also knocked Tsunade through the window, and the last thing Naruto remembered was falling...

**EPILOGUE**

When his eyes opened, Naruto was looking into the wild blue yonder- no clouds in sight. "Wh- where am I...?" Naruto sat up, noticing he was on a navy blue blanket somewhere, high above the ground. There were no trees in sight, no grass, and he was naked. Wait, naked? _Ah! And why does my butt hurt?_

"Thank goodness you're finally awake." Naruto turned to see the source of the familiar female voice, and discovered that it belonged to Shizune- and she was every bit as naked as he was. "I was beginning to worry."

"Gh- um where are our clothes? It'd kinda be nice to have them back..."

"I can't exactly remember, but the note said we were stuck up here on the monument naked for twenty-four hours as punishment. It said something about me attempting to rape you and you putting the Hokage through a window with some technique called the Rasengan. That's all I can remember right now, Naruto." She sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around him and sharing her warmth in the early morning chill. "I can't remember, but if I did do anything to you, I hope you can forgive me..."

Naruto was beginning to relax now and wrapped an arm around Shizune. "Well, I can't remember everything either, but I'll still forgive you, Shizune." After remaining close in the face of the wind for several minutes, Naruto's stomach growled. "Say, they didn't leave any food for us, did they?"

"Behind us there's a satchel with a few food pills in it, but that's it." Naruto nodded and got up to take one. "Heh, it doesn't make sense; I have no idea what we'd need the energy from a food pill for." Then suddenly there was a moment when she looked over her shoulder at Naruto as he swallowed the food pill; he looked at her, and she looked at him; and he looked at her, and she looked at him...


End file.
